im sorry i havent posted in a while. i just haven’t had anything to type, to share. sometimes i visit this site and reread the old posts and grow embarrassed, be it of half assed works or banal in electronic form… “this is my new piece, and this is why i drew it, and this is what it means”… I would erase all of the old writings now, but that would be dishonest.

ugh. defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? i dont know why I felt the obligation of explanation, but i assume it to be a passing fancy, considering my carelessness as of late. im not going to be the next dali, or maybe I’ll hang with caravaggio’s, I DON’T KNOW, and I don’t aspire for those things any longer. maybe I wont be the next anything but ashley, and maybe it’s ok if that’s just somebody who works in a little office, in a little city, and just does whatever arty thing she does, because it makes her world feel better, and she wants to share that. I don’t think you should need any more justification… and my work wont put you in mind of helnwein (though I’d gladly welcome the comparison - no one man should have talent of that extent)… im not going to steal theories from freud and frankly the notion of meshing subconscious thought and surrealism is stale for me now. the other night, I had a dream about a cat breast feeding itself. it had cat parts and human parts. that’s it. That was my dream, and while I dont know what that weird shit means, Im going to draw it, because it was my dream, and I woke happy the next day. I think I started this whole thing with trying to find purpose in what I created, and yearning to both inspire and hurt whomever viewed my pieces, and I found those wants to be selfless at the time, but the more I thought about it and the less inspired i grew, i realised that it was all a bit dumb, and the point of art is to have fluidity… to have honesty in your work, and to allow your audience to interpret and dislike and admire however they deem fit, not to guide them with your own musings and artistic prose… not to create based on feigned ideals and outside opinion… it’s all disconcerting, and it’s vain. So I won’t do that anymore. and I wont rush. i think now, i’ll just post art when it’s done, whether its a flower, or a breast feeding cat, or a hobo, or whatever is in my heart, and wish for the best. if nobody likes it, eh. what are ya gonna do?

im rambling. but wait, and no more posting “in progress” portraits. i’ll keep the old ones up, but that’s a stale gesture - I only began posting those as a verification of sorts… i [was and] am annoyed when people [would] unconsciously discredit my drawings by assuming them to be photographs, but from a rainbow ladened view, i guess it’s flattering… I digress - no more. really, i’ve never liked the idea of anyone being able to view an unfinished piece. it feels ugly, and invasive, and a few other things, but again, I had obligation to my vanity…

Im probably leaving something out, but it’s 1 am, and I warrant the right to a little sleep.

also im going to redo this site sometime when i feel a bit less lazy.

oh:

“just wanted to post, to, I don’t know… prove that I’m doing something with my life, I guess.”

thank you for reading! all 1 of you!